Download Cool, Calm & Contentious by Merrill Markoe PDF

By Merrill Markoe

During this hilarious number of own essays, New York Times bestselling writer Merrill Markoe finds, between different issues, the key formulation for comedy: start off with a tough mom, increase a few vintage teenage insecurities, upload a number of relationships with narcissistic males, toss in an unruly pack of egocentric canines, end it off with the type of crystalline point of view that in simple terms comes from years of navigating a roiling sea of disagreeable and unappeasable humans, and—voilà!—you’re funny!

But in Cool, Calm & Contentious, Markoe additionally unearths anything extra: herself. this can be by means of some distance her such a lot own, affecting assortment yet—honest, unapologetic, frequently painful, yet continually shot via with the bracing, depraved humorousness that has made her this type of liked and incisive observer of lifestyles, either human and canines. In Cool, Calm & Contentious, she is going there: from the anal-retentive father who as soon as spent ten mins lecturing Markoe’s forty-year-old, Ph.D.-wielding brother on tips on how to fold a serviette, to the perpetually aggrieved mom who took excitement in being disagreeable to waiters and spent so much of her existence, Markoe says, in “varying levels of pissed off”; from the best way she surrendered her virginity as a freshman in collage (to her, it used to be “something to be gotten rid of fast, then by no means mentioned back, like physique odor”), to why, later in existence, she finally got here to discover canines much more attractive than people, Markoe holds not anything again. It’s all the following, in all its messy, poignant glory, and informed the way in which in basic terms Merril Markoe is aware how—with honesty, wit, and chunk.

Cool, Calm & Contentious
bargains whatever for everyone—fans of funny essays, lovers of memoir, enthusiasts of serious writing and finely drawn characters, lovers of canines, lovers of speaking canines, and lovers of interpreting approximately moms who're so tricky and important they really make you're feeling reliable approximately your individual existence. yet such a lot of all, this ebook is for the numerous lovers of Merrill Markoe, who will ultimately get an opportunity to profit what makes her tick—and what makes her so humorous and clever.

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Example text

Another song in this clump—one that I warned you about at the beginning of this book—is The Captain and Tennille’s “Muskrat Love,” a tender, poetic, squeak-filled ballad about rodents having sex. The Captain and Tennille6 also got some survey votes for their 1972 number-one hit record “Do That to Me One More Time,” which begins with the words: Do that to me one more time Once is never enough With a man like you Is it just me, or does that sound to you like a serious criticism of the guy’s lovemaking technique?

This song tells the moving story of two people who are losing interest in each other, so each one independently decides to cheat on the other, and when they find out about this, it brings them together. They deserve each other! Have another piña colada! Rupert Holmes definitely should get some kind of special achievement award because he also wrote and sang “Him,” the song that goes: Him! Him! HIM Whatcha gonna do about him? You’re gonna have to do without him Or do without me! Me! ME! No one’s gonna get it for free It’s me or it’s him I don’t know about you, but I would pick him.

The Night Chicago Died,” by Paper Lace8—This song still arouses great hostility for both music and lyrics. ” As Yvonne Koyzis observed: “There IS no east side of Chicago; just an awfully, awfully big lake. ” by Chicago—Yes! Time to pass a law against playing this song! Also “Saturday in the Park”! Also “25 or 6 to 4”! “Disco Duck,” by Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots—Other than the fact that a lot of people hate it, I don’t know anything about this song. “Signs,” by Five Man Electrical Band—I think this song will forever hold the record for self-righteous hippie smugness, if only for these lyrics:If God was here, He’d tell you to your face Man, you’re some kind of sinner!

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